When I work with clients who experience anxiety, they sometimes describe feeling like they are “not themselves” when triggered. I have written about anxiety in previous posts – here, and here – and see it a lot in therapy. Clients describe making decisions that do not reflect their values, react in ways that surprise them, or find themselves stuck in patterns they know are not helpful. If this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing what happens when different parts of your internal system take control.
What causes anxiety attacks or overwhelmed feelings?
We all have different aspects of ourselves – parts that developed at different times in our lives to help us cope with various situations. Think of it like having different team members inside your mind, each with their own job and perspective. Sometimes these parts work well together, but other times they can work against each other or take over when they are not right for the job.
One of the most common patterns I see – particularly with men in therapy – is when a younger, more vulnerable part of themselves becomes activated during stressful situations. This younger part often developed during childhood or adolescence when the person felt genuinely overwhelmed or unsafe. Even though the adult is now capable and resourceful, this younger part can still jump into the driver’s seat when triggered.
Anxiety and panic often stem from this younger part perceiving threat where the adult self could (or would usually) recognise something manageable or safe. For example, a disagreement with a partner might activate childhood memories of conflict feeling dangerous, leading to people-pleasing or avoidance behaviours that do not actually serve them or their relationship.
When we are triggered, our nervous system does not distinguish between a genuine threat and a perceived one. The same physiological response that would help us escape real danger can leave us feeling panicked about everyday situations like speaking up at work, addressing relationship issues, or even minor inconveniences.
How to manage anxiety using parts work
Parts work in therapy involves recognising when these younger parts are activated and working towards strengthening the adult part’s ability to take charge compassionately. This is not about suppressing or rejecting the younger part – it is about creating an internal relationship where your adult self can reassure and guide these parts whilst making decisions from a place of calm rather than panic.
The process often involves:
- Recognition: Learning to notice when you are operating from a triggered state rather than your adult, calm state. This might involve paying attention to physical sensations (tight chest, shallow breathing), emotional intensity that feels disproportionate to the situation, or finding yourself using language or reactions that feel “younger” than your actual age.
- Validation: Acknowledging that your younger part’s fears make sense given past experiences. This step is crucial – we are not telling this part it is wrong, but rather understanding the logic behind its protective responses.
- Reassurance: Your adult self providing comfort and reality-checking to the younger part. This might sound like internal dialogue: “I understand you are scared, but I am capable of handling this situation now.”
- Choice: Making conscious decisions about how to respond rather than reacting automatically. This creates space between trigger and response, allowing for more intentional action.
Practical exercises for daily life
I often help clients with a few fairly easy approaches that they use when they notice parts activation:
- The pause practice: When you feel triggered, take three deep breaths and ask yourself, “How old do I feel right now?” This simple question can help you recognise when a younger part has taken charge.
- Internal dialogue: Develop a compassionate internal voice that can speak to activated parts. Many clients find it helpful to imagine speaking to their younger self with the same kindness they would show a distressed child e.g. a niece or nephew, a younger cousin, or their own child.
- Grounding in present reality: Engage your adult self by noticing five things you can see, four you can hear, three you can touch, two you can smell, and one you can taste. This anchors you in present-moment awareness rather than past-based fears.
- Evidence Gathering: Shift your cognition towards seeing yourself as the adult in the situation. This may be strengthened through noticing things you are good at or things that you have achieved, and reminding yourself of this in moments of stress. Self-reassurance is often missing in those individuals who are triggered, especially when an ‘inner child’ acts out.
Why do I feel anxious even when everything is fine?
This is one of the most common questions I hear from clients, and parts work offers a particularly helpful explanation. Often, when “everything is fine” on the surface, our younger parts may still be scanning for threats based on past patterns or unmet emotional needs.
These parts carry what we call “emotional memory” – they remember not just events, but the feelings and meanings we made about those events. So even when your adult self knows you are safe, a younger part might be responding to similarities between current and past situations that feel threatening.
For instance, a client might feel inexplicably anxious before social gatherings, even enjoyable ones. Upon exploration, we might discover that their younger part learned to associate social situations with potential rejection or criticism. The anxiety is not about the current gathering – it is about protecting against old wounds and fears. Paying attention to the triggers and memories is key, and the eventual goal is to focus more on the present situation (and related issues, if there are any) rather than historical problems.
Understanding this can be incredibly relieving for people who have been told they are “overthinking” or that their anxiety is “irrational.” From a parts perspective, the anxiety makes perfect sense – it is just coming from information that is outdated for your current life circumstances.
Integration with evidence-based approaches
Parts work integrates beautifully with other therapeutic approaches I use in my practice:
With CBT: Rather than simply challenging anxious thoughts, we explore which part of you is thinking these thoughts and what they are trying to protect you from. This adds emotional depth to cognitive restructuring.
With DBT: Distress tolerance skills become more accessible when your adult self is in charge. Parts work can help you recognise when you are in “emotion mind” versus “wise mind.”
With solution-focused therapy: We identify times when your adult self was successfully in charge and explore how to cultivate more of those experiences.
Building long-term emotional resilience
The goal is not to eliminate anxiety entirely – our younger parts often carry important information about our needs and boundaries. Instead, we are developing the capacity to hear what these parts are trying to tell us whilst letting our adult selves make the decisions.
Many clients find this framework particularly helpful because it normalises having different internal responses whilst empowering them to choose which part of themselves is best equipped to handle each situation. It is especially useful for people who struggle with conflict avoidance, people-pleasing, or feeling overwhelmed by everyday stressors.
Research supports the effectiveness of parts-based approaches for anxiety, with studies showing improvements in emotional regulation, self-compassion, and overall psychological flexibility. The approach aligns with our growing understanding of how trauma and early experiences shape our nervous system responses.
If you are struggling with anxiety, panic responses, or feeling controlled by your emotions, exploring your internal parts might offer a new perspective on old patterns. Working with a qualified therapist can help you develop these skills safely and effectively, particularly if you have experienced trauma or have complex anxiety presentations.
Looking for support with anxiety or emotional regulation? I offer therapy for adults and adolescents using evidence-based approaches including CBT, DBT, and elements of parts work. Contact me to discuss how therapy might help you develop greater emotional flexibility and confidence.
Photo by George Pak